It’s June! 14 months later on my journey of transformation. But it’s also the month where we honor fathers. This Father’s Day, I am able to honor my dad’s influence on my journey.
Although, it’s been 26 years since my dad passed of cancer, he’s been with me the entire time. He has showered me with his love and guidance. He is the catalyst of the process of my surrender.
Stop Living with the Pain
In my previous post “How I lost 48 pounds using my FAITH and my WORK!”, I shared that my dad’s death created a void that I filled with food. It was easier to numb the pain of my dad’s death with food, than trust God to heal my heart.
But I believe that my dad knew that this wasn’t God’s best for me. One night, my dad spoke to me in a dream. He was crying. (My dad rarely cried.) He pleaded with me to “Stop living with the pain!” I remember waking up from the dream very emotional, but confused. I didn’t understand what “pain” he was talking about. So I just hid the dream in my heart.
After a few months, I finally understood what my dad was talking about in that dream. My dad was giving me a warning, based on his own experiences. He was a very proud, strong and hardworking man. He never showed any weaknesses until he got sick.
I remember going to a doctor’s appointment with him and he just got on the floor. He told the doctor that he couldn’t live with the pain any longer. This is when we learned that my dad had Stage 4 Colon Cancer.
My dad had been living with the pain for years and never told anyone. He treated his pain with over the counter stomach pain meds. But we never thought it was abnormal.
My dad finally had to reveal the pain, because it had become too great even for him to handle. But it was too late. The cancer had metastasized. Even with surgery and chemotherapy, he died five months later.
My dad didn’t want me to live with my pain. He knew that eventually my pain would kill me; spiritually, mentally, emotionally and even physically. He was pleading with me so that I could live FREE; free from the pain so that I could fulfill my purpose on earth. But HOW could I do it?
Healing the Pain
Acknowledging that the void from my dad’s death created the pain was only the beginning. I had to actively participate in the healing process. The fear of failure was so great that it paralyzed me. I didn’t trust God or myself to restart the process of losing the weight. But I knew that treating the pain was never going to fully heal the wounds.
Triggers from other pain/trauma would rip the scab off the wounds and then I would rebound with my familiar coping behavior; emotional eating. I knew that I had to take a leap of faith and simply surrender to God.
My surrender was critical to my success. I am grateful that I finally chose to surrender on April 20, 2015 and have been moving forward ever since. I’ve lost 78 pounds and counting. But most importantly, I have learned how to stop living with the pain!
Honoring My Dad
When my dad learned that he was really sick, he told me and my siblings to take care of each other and my mother. But he also told me that he would always be with us; looking down, smiling, proud and showering us with love.
I am so thankful that he spoke to me in my dream.My dad knew just how to connect with me to become a catalyst for my healing. He simply wanted to take care of his little girl. I am blessed to be able to honor his legacy this Father’s Day!
Pay attention to messages from your loved ones. God can use them to speak into your life to begin your healing process. Walk in your healing. Walk in your freedom!
How are you finding healing on your healthy living journey?
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